You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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