i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
