Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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