Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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