she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i would punch a child for taco bell
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
