come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
