fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
