Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
