oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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