@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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