Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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