We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
