Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
