I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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