nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
