Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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