Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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