thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
