the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
