i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
