At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
