There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
