And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
