Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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