we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize