the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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