The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
