my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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