He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
