I'm going to jail i love you
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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