Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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