The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
