My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
