I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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