she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
