Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
