I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
