I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Alive.
So much puke
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
