ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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