I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
