Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
