Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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