U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
