i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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