Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
