But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MIDGETS
????
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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