from now on my penis is your penis
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
