Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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