the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
