i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
