I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
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Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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