wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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