Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
