But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
