its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
