Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
