Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
