bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You were trust falling into bushes
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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