new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
high people should be assigned attendants
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
